Category: General

“Tree dosent weep for the fallen leaves.,
It knows, that its a sign of the coming new leaves”

Gee.. I feel really light today after a heavy day at work!! I had called up Vaishali for her Birthday., and found that it was two days earlier!!!(I am late by two days) Oh Boy.. what a memory(mine)… She is as sweet as she was.. I feel proud having her as one of my close friends… We talked about so many things.. She was really sad to find me cribbing about my longstading love affair (Affair???!! not the correct word) with Radhika. She really felt that I should move on.. and she was really sad finding me a bit down.. Vaishali.. I dont know if ever you will read this.. But I have a birthday present to you.. I am stopping this.. No more cribbing.. Radhika was in my life.. Now she isnt.. I wont be clinging anymore.. I have set those emotions free.. Yes you were right, I should have forgot about the whole thing long time back.. But I was clinging on to it in a pathetic manner.. I have started exorcising, my old Love affair.. (well by now it has certainly become onesided.. hee hee) Today the sun of wisdom dawned… A Person can love others, but expecting something is selfish!! My exorcism has begun in full swing.. Who knows.., maybe I am changing.. Thanks a lot..

Happy Birthday again..

A Beginning of a great day.. (I will try to be poetic.. because I feel poetic.. But I dont think it will classify as a poem)

Got up at 6.00 (I never stop surprising myself)., after all the necessary morning functions, I made food and got out from home at 7.00, into my CAR!! I played the cassette of the songs in “Swami Vivekananda” Movie.. good songs.. The roads were not crowded and I decided to go via Primary Road, I have started enjoying my drives. The sun was still considering, whether to appear or not., as it was a bit dark bluish sky. I really did enjoy my drive.. I was humming the songs along with the Cassette!!(Hey!! I am a god hummer atleast, if not singer). Got into office by 7.30(hey I want to drive more through the Primary Road and the Motorway) I will drive more during the weekend..

Yesterday evening, I went to londis(its a shop,10 minutes walk from house), but in my Car.. Got a new Telephone Card.. I have to Call up Vaishali today.. (its her BIRTHDAY!!!!) I Really am blessed to have some friends, who have touched my life deeply.. She’s is really nice and to be honest, she would’ve been a good life partner for me..(she’s Married and Loves her family) But I am in love with someone, who dosent have any interest in me anymore(Geezz.. Life is Interesting!!!)

Any way.. a Wonderful Morning.. a Great day..

optimistic

Captianls log: Earth Date 22/11/2000

Let me use a bit of startrek language.. My Shields are down.. There was an attack by a lovelion subsystem, which was floating on the space. It was purely accidental and the attack was not intentional. It may take some time to bring up the shields.. Enterprise has become vulnerable.. the core plasma which provides the energy source is out of order.. Captian of the ship is in emotional trauma and he has to report to the sickbay.(This captain is Useless)., Identification of the Lovelion subsystem, says that it originated from a ally vessel, which was once part of the Enterprise., but it detached itself and went for exploration on its own., crippling the Enterprise..

Enough of that.. I have realized that I am really a vulnerable person.. I can change., but the question is do I want to..

I realized yesterday that journaling ones life does not do justice to his life fully, I wonder if I can record a millionth of the thoughts which flash through me and that will take up thousands of pages.. Well in this case.. bytes. So many emotions, feelings, blank thoughts, thoughts without emotions attached to them, dreams, all whizz through the mind.. but Some remain, either to prod you on or to torment..

There are many ways one can change oneself
to become the epitome of perfection.,
But the question is,
Does one want to change oneself?!!

A couple of sentences, which I read today & which I thought about had made the difference… I am back into Gloom!!!! I think I’m Doomed..!!! How simple it has become for me to upset myself!!!

I forgot to journal properly my last two days..

Lemme begin with Sunday.. Went for a good swim., the pool was relatively empty and I had a good time swimming for around 45 minutes.. Interesting thing is that, even when you are swimming, you can think about so many things. It seems as if I go to the pool for thinking and not swimming..

After Swimming came back home and from there again to Zubins home. Had a chat with pradeep.. None of the others turned up.. I was blurting out proverbs to Pradeep..(I was wondering, as to whether, I am trying to impress anyone).. I had to end the chat as one of the friend of Zubin came with his wife.,(Had to get some groceries in time– Rashmi’s Command). Had general timepass till they left, then had food, went for a nap., woke up at around 7.00, watched some telly, had food, went home and again slept.

Monday:- As usual got up late, reached office late(I always blame others, not me). And Yesss!! I got the Car.. Took it for test drive, felt comfortable, after further test by a colleague(Seatal), I finally Bought the Car!! Yippeee I am a car owner!!! (I called up Prasanth and told him).

Yesterday night I went home in Car., I called up Zubin and asked them to meet me on a particular bus..(I wanted to give a surprise to them). Then I drove to home., Visibility was poor (I was driving for the first time in the Dark). Nearly caused an accident(My stars are in good position I believe) and reached the bus stop where I waited for Zubin and Girish..They were surprised to see me parked..(they were expecting me on the bus), picked them up and went to tesco’s.. for some shopping and then went to zubins home.. Zubin did the pooja on the Car.. Took Rashmi and Zubin for a drive.. Went home changed and came back in Car.. had food with them and then went home again for sleep.. I must have got into the bed at around 10.15pm with “The Fountainhead” by Ayn Rand.. When I looked up from thebook, it was already 12.15 (Whoo.. This novel is interesting).. Had a glance at Java book..(Its lying untouched for nearly a week now).. and went to sleep..(Kandukondein Kandukondein cassette playing in the background)..

Got up today morning.. Made food(Thair Sadam), and got into CAR!! and drove to office.. Its really busy at office for last two days.. Wasnt able to reply to many mails.. Has to do today.. and will be sitting late..

Hey.. Yoohooo.., I have brought a Car!!!., My first Car. Ford, Fiesta Popular.(Second hand).. And I will be driving home today from work!! Planning to give Girish and Zubin a surprise.. I feel really euphoric..(I have to drive really carefully I think) I will write about the experience later.. Very busy at work now..

Its a beautiful Sunday morning., Got up at around 7.30. Its cloudy outside. Had a wonderful thought in the loo..

“A day is not good or bad.,
Its your perceptions that make it so..”

Looking forward for a great day., I have got chat scheduled with Pradeep and Prem will likely join in as well., But for now., I should be going home and from there to swimming..

A Great Day begins..
Gayatri mantra chanting is playing on the CD
calm

Saturday.,
Got up on time,
remained on the bed,
had breakfast,
went to homebase.,
Got Rose plant.,
As rashmi wanted it.,
Girish was with me.,
He is sometimes irritating.,
I need silence sometimes.,
I just want to be with myself.,
I need a silent partner.,
I really miss someone here.,
who can understand without words.,
Went to Comet.,
Selected a Mixer for me,
Its out of stock.,
Came out empty handed,
went to Southall,
bought frozen “idiappam”,
caught a bus back,
wondered at the crowd in bus,
came home & made idiappam.,
it tasted rubbish.,
went to my room,
it was getting dark outside.,
though it was only 4.30.,
snuggled into my bed,
felt warm & it was cold outside.,
went to sleep for around 3 hours.,
got up around 8, cleaned my room.,
went for a refreshing bath.,
Zubin called., when are you coming.,
said within 1/2 hour.,
Went to Zubins place.,
Had pizza with Yoghurt!!!.,
saw the movie., “In the line of fire”.,
Clint Eastwood movie.,
Called Prasanth at 12.30am.,
Everythings Ok.,
Mani comes to bombay today night.,
Called up Perumbavoor.,
Everyone fine there.,
Called Praveen,
No ones picking up.,
Came to journal.,
not feeling like describing,
Updated it.,
with lines here and there.,
going to shutdown laptop.,
its already 1.30.,
and go to sleep.,
Another productive day.,
goes by., with out any productivity…
jab koi baat bigad jaaye.. from “Jurm”
blank

I had a wonderful discussion with Ron today., It all started with me “composing” a poem for Neesha, sitting opposite to me and singing.. All started laughing out., Well I cited them the case of Vincent Van Gough(pronounced gouf), who was not appreciated during his lifetime, and was appreciated well after his death.

I have seen Gough’s “Yellow Sunflower” painting(in a photo).. Its good. As I wanted to know more about paintings, I went to Ron, who was listening to all these. He has a good knowledge. He told me the bits and pieces of Van Gough’s story., He also told about Monet(pronounced Mo-ney as in neigh). Monet was an impressionist and he had many paintings to his credit., He had a big garden where many people used to visit., Van Gough have stayed there to work on paintings for sometime. Van Gough thought his paintings to be rubbish, moreover he has dumped by the girl whom he loved. Ron told that, when he was rejected by the girl, he cut his right ear and gave to the girl(not a intelligent thing to do!!)., any way he died poor. But now his paintings are worth a fortune.

I asked Ron, whether he has had the feelings which one should have, when you see a really good painting. He said he had had feelings when he saw some paintings., the most distinctive one in his memory was in France. He said he had been to the gallery where Monalisa painting was kept(he told me the gallery name..I forgot), all the people were looking at the painting of monalisa(which was kept behind a bullet proof screen)., Ron said, opposite to that was this big painting of the “Last Supper”., and he had really enjoyed that painting. Discussion led to Pablo Picasso, and he told me an news item., once a Picasso painting was stolen., In the news they announced that which side of the painting was up and which was down., so that whoever had the painting has atleast hangs it properly!!!!

It was a good day and the friday bug was catching on on everyone, I left with Zakir at around 5.45, went to Homebase. Rashmi wanted some flowers for the vase, I told her that it is better to have a live plant than have cut flowers, which she agreed, but wanted me to tell the same to Zubin. In homebase, I got a good collection of plants, there was a wonderful pot of button roses., really nice., but I was wondering whether they will like them. Finally bought a white Chrysanthemum flower pot., and the pot was kept in a hand basket(woven with cane). I am sure Rashmi, Zubin and Girish will like it. From there I went to Sainsbury’s, bought water and milk and then directly came to Zubin’s house.. My weekends normally is spent at Zubin’s place..