The Indian St.Valentine Day

I never forget my marriage anniversary-date, nor do I forget my wife‘s birthday or even valentine’s day. but i forgot it was today…

It has got nothing to do with the dolby-digital-eastman-color-5.2-megapixel memory that I have, which is a topic I will broach some other time. I am just mentioning that I am not allowed to forget those special days. I will be dropped huge boulder-sized hints two months in advance to begin with, and as it nears one month, the demand for gifts becomes vocal, peppered with some piercing glances.

I am a normal guy with really good skin-thickness. All the threats I receive from my better half, just bounces off my body. And for that I get accused of being “thick-skinned”. I have a theory that evolution has designed the male-human-skin in such a way that the skin increases in thickness after marriage. I only wish if some dermatologists took this theory up as research topic and proved it beyond doubt.

The piercing glances of my wife that attack me during such period, just pass through my head, as if its some darkmatter, undetectable by any scientific instrument. But when the threats becomes UFOs (unidentifiable flying objects) flying around in the house, I panic. No wonder, I am then left with tensions of last minute gift-hunting to maintain a “happily-married-life”.

I protest against this western culture influencing me and my country(wo)men, in the guise of days like “St.Valentines day“. I want all the support I can get to root out this evil day. I want to counter it. I say, why do we need to celebrate such an atrocious day, the day when you have to buy some koochi-koo gifts just to tell your wife that you love her. I am sure this is eroding our long standing culture.

I thought over this for quite some time while taking bath. I somehow had to find something to negate the influence of St.Valentines day. There has to be something in our culture which was much better. And that was when the tubelight flickered – I struck upon this brilliant idea, and as with all the great people, I shouted “eureka”!! I had the perfect answer for St.Valentines Day.

The solution was simple and belonged to our “indian culture”. All we had to do was to celebrate “St. Valmiki Divas”. Very Indian idea, very Indian celebration and moreoever, it’s going to be really good for all married/unmarried people as I explain the idea behind this day.

Obviously we all know S(an)t. Valmiki. Unlike the obscure St.Valentine, our Valmiki-ji created the epic poem Ramayana, the story of which everyone in India is acquainted with.

So here is my idea…let’s celebrate St.Valmiki Day as begun by Lord Rama. You don’t have to buy very expensive gifts or tell anything that sounds “koochikoo” to your wife/girlfriend. Let me bring the first recorded incident of St.Valmiki Day from our history books as written by Karl Marx and his followers. Our hero, Lord Rama is back at his palace after the long 14-year “vanvaas” with his wife Sita and his brother. He has vanquished Ravana and his cohorts, in a 14-day long battle (all the 14s are very significant as you will see) and released his wife – Sita – from prison.

Then on the following 14th of February (see I told you 14 is important), Our great Rama starts the First St.Valmiki Day. This is the day he decides to put an end to the untold sorrows of all men in his kingdom, and sets an example. He decides to abandon his wife Sita in the forest.

So on the 14th of February, Sita-maiyya is taken in a chariot to a deep jungle outside Ayodhya and is left there. That day of celebration is the first recorded incidence of St. Valmiki Divas. The only expense that day for the male population of our world is a one-way ticket to some forest outside the town. What a great idea!! I am sure this will be celebrated as it was years ago, and all the male population will thank me profusely for re-discovering St.Valmiki day.

After shouting “eureka” in the bathroom, I rushed downstairs to give this excellent piece of discovery to my wife. As I explained my latest discovery animatedly, the expressions on her face changed. At first I thought that it was something to do with the carpet getting wet, as my eureka moment happened while taking bath. But while I continued with the details as to how to celebrate the St.Valmiki Divas, I had this feeling, the feeling of impending doom.

I wouldn’t go into what happened next, but here I am, deep inside this forest, far far away from my home, writing this to you (needlessly I was dumped even before I could explain my discovery fully). The woods are lovely, dark and deep, and cold, very cold. Siggghhh…lucky I have my laptop for company.

Anyway, join me in celebrating Sant Valmiki Divas. And don’t worry about me, somehow I will find my way back from this jungle.

Happy St.Valmiki day.

ps: India does have a celebration for sant valmiki.

13 thoughts on “The Indian St.Valentine Day”

  1. She deserves a gift . I made Chole Battura for my husband (because that’s his favourite)and what I got was just a “Thank you sweetie….” You guys will never ever improve.

  2. Even while reading the first few lines, I know where you would end up….hats off to ur wife!!!!…..BTW, even the forest is a great civilization in the absence of St.Valentine day’s biggest beneficiaries….

  3. Sandeep,

    good write up, waiting for the second part.

    Krish,

    I am surprised at the level of sympathy pouring in for my wife. I am the one who got banished 😉 Yes, the forest is good (darn! these mosquitoes).

  4. Didn’t you have your women under much better control just a few years ago? If you are not careful and you keep letting them get western education and watch western TV, they are going to start refusing arranged marriages. Remind them what happened to refractory brides (and widows, in particular!) just a few years ago.

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