Year: 2001

The conversation was going in the midnight in between packing.. Zubin & Rashmi are the main characters..

Praveen: arre yaar, Rashmi, I miss her a lot. and the worse thing is that now I cannot even meet her.
Rashmi : dekh, there is nothing known as true love., its all compromise.. you just adjust..
Praveen: nahi yaar.. (protesting)
Zubin : Dekh, uska doosare kisi ke saath chakkar hai kya..??
Praveen: Mujhe nahin lagta.. lekin mujhe maloom bhi nahi hai
Rashmi : Lekin you never tell the details in full..
Praveen: I’m still a fool in these things..I dont know how to express this clearly
Zubin : acha.. mein experience se bolta hoom, sun, tu uske peeche pad.. koi ladki, jaldi haan nahi bolti hai… Mein bhi Rashmi ke peeche bahut pappad pele hain
Praveen: Lekin kaise yaar.. I know that I love her a lot and thats it.. time has flown by and still I like her. and I am sure she knows that too..lekin..
Zubin : Tu uska pata dhoond nikal aur usko flowers aur gift bhej, internet se tu yeh kar sakta hai..
Praveen: Galti kiya yaar.. Uska birthday abhi gaya.. Mein bhulakkad hi rahoonga, sudharoonga nahin. Mein gift bhej sakta tha.
Rashmi : tu uske saath vapas communcation chaloo kar. aur abhi valentine day aa raha hai.. tabhi usko gift kuch bhej..
Praveen: haan yaar.. kuch karna padega.. nahin to devdaas banna padega..(smiling sheepishly)
Zubin : Aur jyaada iske baare mein soch mat. dimag ka dahi ban jayega.. Experience se bolta hoon
Praveen: hmmm..(agreeing.. still smiling sheepishly)

Zubin, Rashmi and Girish are leaving to India on a One month holiday. Where else to drop in than their place, during the weekend. Ramesh had also come in with his family.. He too will be leaving to India soon., just after another week and half.

It was packing, packing and timepass all through the evening.. eeeaaarrggghhh!!! This homesickness.. mmm.. I will also go whenever I get the chance. At the moment for me, its learning and more learning. In the evening we drove to temple. Temple dosent help me these days.. they just have become another buliding structure for me.(or am i expecting too much??!!)..

I grade temple, by the amount of peace that I get as soon as I enter it. The temple at mookambika was one, and then Tryambakeshwar Shiva temple was another which I remeber distinctively. These temples., by thier presence alone gave real peace, when I entered those. The temple at Southall, dosent give any of that sense.

God’s drama is mysterious.. the more I figure out the way the world works, the more he outwits me. But I still am in the pursuit.

Well, coming back after digression, we came back from temple for more packing and this went on till nearly 2 in the morning, when I must have slept. It was wonderful to find myself under a quilt in the morning when I woke up(brr.. its still cold out here). I was sleeping on a sofa the previous night, and no quilt on. Mostly the quilt must have come from Zubin. He’s really wonderful person.

Work.. work.. and more work!!! and I am doing it, with a mind really down. I need a break.. I am feeling more and more homesick now. I miss my mom’s hug. I miss everyone.. Sometimes you just feel helpless, when you are far away from home, and you want to meet everyone. You dread to speak to them even over phone directly, lest it may aggreviate the homesickness.

frustrated

Well, Well, I was a bit down last two-three days. I was just in a contemplative mood yesterday, and was thinking about myself.. the journey so far. all the picture is hazy and I need more time, to reflect. Knowingly or unknowingly my mind is churning for the last two three days. I wonder If I am the only person to have that going!!! If any one will be feeling the same way.. Maybe I am unique in that sense.

Moreover recurring thoughts come about one person!!! I wonder is this called obsession? Whenever I have the thoughts I really feel incomplete.. Now-a-days, whenever I get a bit out of sorts.. I take my car out for a drive.. and the longer the drive better. Earlier it was swimming.. atleast it helped me keep in shape.. After buying the car, I am totally out of shape.. physically as well as monetarily..

I need more time to ponder things.. Time!! I need time!!

Work., and more work. Put my webpage live as it it.. has a lot of work yet to do on that.. somethings better than nothing.

“Search for perfection showed me that, the defenition of perfection is mediocre”

And this year.. a major restructuring program is going on.. hee hee.. and will appear on journal soon…

Yes.. the webpage.. the link is here., but let me tell you, the work is still going on.. but you can have a look at me and my photos!!

contemplative

and I was.. ZZZZZzzzzzzzzz. (most of the day!!)